I… don’t think I will ever understand children nowadays. Hahaha. Hari ini, as usual pergi ngajar dari jam 9 di ENOPI. Sampai di sana, loh kok sepi? Mana guru yang biasanya datang pagi? Tanya mas yang jaga rukonya. “oooh, iya, mbak Ute gak masuk hari ini, bapaknya meninggal, katanya kalau anak kecil yang datang, minta Fiona aja yang tanganin.”
…
Mampus. Pikir gw dalam hati
I love children, I do. But to teach them math? Sejauh ini gw hanya mengajar anak selevel SD kelas 6 sampai SMP. Dan mereka sebandel-bandelnya masih bisa dikasih tau gitu. Tapi anak-anak kecil? Duh, tiba-tiba rasa cemas muncul.
Kemudian, datanglah dua aktor aktris pemeran utama cerita saya kali ini. ibunya datang tuh, bilang mau tes anaknya, nah nah, gw disuruh ngurusin, kasih diagnostic test, de es be, diguide dari telpon. Agak gugup, (padahal gak biasanya gitu, mungkin kaget sama situasi yang dihadapi, secara baru bangun tidur juga, langsung pergi ngajar). Anw, dua anak itu cowok dan cewek berhasil digiring masuk ke ruang kelas
Louis, kelas 3 SD
Tasya. Kelas 1 SD
Louis banyak maunya, banyak ngomong, banyak ngoceh. The next problem is, they speak English. (damn! Wakakak. It’s not that I’m not good in English, but… gw baru bangun tidur gitu loh. ahahha). Tapi masalah ini bisa ditangani. Bagaimanapun, gw udah pernah ngomong inggris sama head of school or director perusahaan, masa ngehadapin anak kecil gw gak berani. hahahaha.
Anw. I still remember what they said gitu.
Louis : My sister is so stupid; she can’t even spell “electricity”
Tasya : (balik badan, pukul meja), “electricity” is hard you knoww!!
Gw : … (damn! Is first grade student supposed to be able to spell electricity nowadays?!?!?!?) … … it’s okay. I can’t even speak English when I was in my first grade.

And they shockingly stopped yelling each other and looked at me with a whole bunch of pitiful staring look I can ever have.
Wow, thanks guys. Really appreciate it.

Gw : … well, but I can speak Chinese
Louis : really? Try it! try speak Korean!
Gw : O_o what?
Louis : try it! Tasya can speak Korean!
Gw : (what the heck?)
Tasya : *spell something I don’t understand*
Tasya and Louis : (laugh together)
Louis : and I can say “yes” in Japanese!! “haik!!”
Tasya : haha. That’s because we watch naruto everyday!!

Thank you so much Naruto. Owe you one

Gw : okay, okay. Now do the math! Try this one! (pointing at something like 19 + 6 = …)
Louis : (hitung pake jari, terus lepas kaos kaki)… … … I can’t count to thirty. I only have 20 fingers…
Gantian. Gw yang takjub.

Louis : Aww. I fart on my pants!
Gw : what? (gw gak ngeh)
Louis : I fart on my pants!!!
Gw : (sadar dan panik). Whaat? The toilet is over there!
Louis : (jalan ke WC, masuk WC).
Gw : (mau nutupin pintu WCnya)
Louis : *scream* don’t look!!!

Sorry ye, gak napsu euy. Sapa juga yang mau lihat.
Terus, ajarin adeknya, dia masih bingung soalnya

Gw : jadi ini kurangin ini, dapatnya ini. nah, yang ini hasilnya
Tasya : *bingung*… … I can’t speak Indonesian… I was born in Singapore… so bla bla bla bla bla
Gw : *weee* oh, haha. Okay then. First you subtract this one with this one, and bla bla bla
Untung adenya jago dan cepat mengerti

(Louis keluar dari arah WC, membawa bola)
Gw : hey, where did you get that?
Louis : (gak mendengarkan). I can do dribble! Look!
Gw : no ball! Now do it! (gw sita bolanya)

Gw keluar bentar, Louis menghilang.
Tasya : he is doing it there (menunjuk ke bawah meja)
Gw : what are you doing there? (ngintip ke bawah meja)
Terus menyerah. Ah. Nasib. Ampun dah. Gw keluar bentar, tau2, dia nyanyi.
Gw : Louis! No singing!
Tasya : hahaha

Duh overall, they’re cute. Really. Hiks. Love them, but well, I’ll think twice to teach them. Melihat anak didik gw yang SD datang dan menyodorkan soal perbandingan, gw merasa sangat berbahagia. T_T huhuhuhu.

Permasalahannya adalah, mereka gak nganggap gw kayak guru, soalnya begitu pemiliknya datang, si Louis langsung pay respect gitu. Sedangkan ke gw? O_o weeheee boro2.
Louis : are you a teenager?
Gw : (what kind of question is that? Do I look like some kind of fat-ass mother or what?)…. … … (thinking what should I answer)… … … aaa stupid laa… (memaki diri sendiri kenapa berpikir). Of course I’m a teenager! Do I look like a mother to you? @#$%!
Trudie : hahahaha
Louis : my teacher at school is not a dad yet, but he is married. I saw him kissing someone on her lips
Gw ; (loading… thinking, Am I going to talk about this kind of thing when I was in my third grade of elementary?) … … … … (terus sadar… ) … ARE YOU SPYING ON YOUR TEACHER?
Louis : yeah!! (bangga)
Tasya : haha. You are spying on him!

Okay whatever. I’m going to get married one day and get two good kids, one boy, one girl, that of course, speak properly based on their age. Amen…

Yah, namanya juga anak-anak jaman sekarang… any comment? (I speak with my friend, and she told me about those love letters written by those elementary kids, “aku sayaaang banget sama kamu. Kamu nomor 1. Muah2. Aku ingin peluuk kamu teruus. Kamu itu dewikuu…”
Well, akan lanjut di part 2. Hehe

Comment silakan, yang pernah kena pengalaman hebat dengan anak2. Hihi.