Today, I’ve cried for about 3 hours (half hour goes for One Litre of Tears)…

I faced problem I couldn’t solve. Every time I tried to look for answer, the process hurt so much. I just can’t do anything about it. I have to cry to find the answer… My eyes are hurt… and I seem can’t find the best answer just yet. So, I’ll keep crying until I find the answer… Lately I’ve been crying a lot. No one knows actually… People just don’t realize that I have been crying. I’m glad that my eyes don’t look red… although they are such in pain right now…

I can’t tell my problem… everyone seems to enjoy their life so much currently… I can’t disturb them just to tell them my problem. Why? I just… can’t… something stuck in my throat every time I tried to say something…

I cry. Is it a sign of tender or weak heart?

Is crying a good thing? There seems to be no moral judgment about crying… Men would just say, what a crybaby, women are always crying, etc. Men who love their women would be more gentle, try to understand their women, ask what happen to show their sympathize. Men who have been married to their women for years yell, you are crying everyday! I’m sick of you. People are devious. We are all devious.

I feel so stupid trying to be honest in this full of liar world. We lie everyday. I lie everyday. I smile just to make my friends happy. It’s ethical, they say. It’s the best for relationship, they say. They say, they say… always like that. Don’t you all do that? You are not always sincerely smiling right… You respect your lecturer very much but yet laugh him at his back.

I knew, they laugh at you when you are honest, they praise you when you lie. Is it a good thing or bad thing?

Which one is the real me…? the strong one? The cheerful one? The sad one? Or they are all masks…?

This is one phase of my life that I don’t enjoy quite much. It will be much more hurt when I face my day tomorrow.

I cry when I have to sacrifice is it better to smile?
I cry when I have been hurt so much is it better to forgive?
I cry when I have lied is it better to apologize?

Should I cry or should not I?

*I started to think that I suffer from mental disorder every time I read my blog >< aa*